I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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