After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
