Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
