I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
