Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
