i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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