After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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