i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
