Hey man sorry I got all grabby
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I look better un-naked...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
