There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
