Me too!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
