Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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