Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
