HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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