I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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