Need sex. Gaining weight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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