Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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