10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
