dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
