uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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