I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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