I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
