If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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