Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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