Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
