guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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