It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
