I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
