I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
