I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
