Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
