I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
