Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
