I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
