Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Less talking, more tequila
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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