Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
