Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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