Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
