dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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