i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
