Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
FUCK WHALES
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
