my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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