"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
