I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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