for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
