No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
