My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
