Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
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