Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
