I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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