Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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