i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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